CONSEQUENCES - A Coward’s Apology

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When I suggested that we split
Didn’t think you’d be hit so hard.
I’d thought it would sting quite a bit;
Didn’t foresee this broken heart.
I had no clue you’d hurt like this,
Didn’t seem such a big deal then.
I didn’t know each hug and kiss
Would sink us deeper in quicksand.
I meant it; saying ‘I love you’;
Back then, it really felt like that
But now the fairytale is through,
How to sign out of this contract?
They didn’t tell me on TV
That romance can be messy stuff;
That real break-ups don’t actually
Happen without a stain or scuff.
Saying this now is redundant,
You must resent this weak attempt.
Starting this out so ignorant,
One of us was bound to get hurt.
Wish it was me who got caught out;
I hate to cause you so much pain.
I didn’t mean to bring this drought
Really, what do I stand to gain?
Couldn’t go on, try as I did.
I couldn’t hang on anymore.
Hate to walk away while you bleed;
I just can’t leave an open door.
I apologise for the promises
I made with words and with my eyes.
Right now, I’ve made a mess of things.
Believe me: then, they weren’t lies.
I did love you with all my heart;
And even now, I really care.
Your hurt is deep; and that’s a fact.
Can’t play it down; I wouldn’t dare.
I may be cold and act distant;
Can’t face you while you’re going through.
Wish I could fix it; but I can’t.
It’s partly why I avoid you.
Can’t stand to see the wreck I caused;
Don’t know what it would drive me to.
Convinced myself you’ve gained, not lost;
That this break-up has done you good.
Cause it’s the only way I can
Allow myself to move on;
To turn the page; stick with the plan
I tell myself you’re that strong.
And then I pray, ‘Lord, take control’
So I know you’re in good hands;
Yet it was I who pierced your soul;
Can I even make such demands?
I should own up to what occurred;
Step back and meet you halfway.
I know this in my heart and head,
But my feet keep running away.
I hope by now, you’ve come to see
I mean well; but I’m a coward.
So heal; but don’t rely on me.
That’s a job for one person: God.

I’m sorry.

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